Dear Mama, (The letter of an aborted child)
With me part of you, the future seemed impossible to negotiate. Like many other women, you thought getting me out your life was the best option. I am not writing to condemn you, neither am I writing to revive the wounds in your heart. I know for sure that though the wounds might have healed, the scars still remain. The world tells you to forget and move on, but I know the pain in your heart keeps crushing your hopes.
In the hands of the merciless
As you swallowed the pills, as you lay bare before the “master of abortion,” it seemed the only path to liberation. I felt the pain as the forceps went down on me, in the hands of ruthless, merciless, and money oriented “problem solver.” In minutes, hours it was over. You back home and me to my fixed destiny.
It is not the end of life
I do not know how it happened, may be you know may be you don’t. Maybe you did it willingly or perhaps you were forced into it. Whichever the case, life must move on; it is not the end of life. It has happened and no matter how much you mourn over it, you will not change a thing. You try to put on a smile, but deep in your heart you are full of agony and remorse. People see your radiant face, a vibrant you but they cannot read your heart, it is dark and cold.
You saw the negative impacts I will bring unto your life. Perhaps you conceived me in the wrong place at the wrong time or with the wrong person. You saw the lifelong impact in your ability to raise a family and earn a living. You are not the only one in this. Many women across the world sail in the same boat. May be you thought I will interrupt your job and career or maybe you saw the reduction in income with economic pressures on you.
Maybe you are
Maybe you are a high school or college student or a single woman surviving on minimal wages. Perhaps you are divorced, married or a victim of domestic violence. I am just speculating because you never gave me a chance to live to know you mum. You thought of the costs associated with pregnancy, birth, and childrearing – you couldn’t take it in. Maybe it sounded worse because you didn’t have a health insurance. A financial burden lied in front of you – the inability to care for an infant.
Mum, may be you were not willing to be a single mother, or you saw impending challenges in your relationship. Were you cheating? Was I a product of rape or you didn’t love the father? Perhaps the relationship lacked commitment from you or my father. You realized that in all likelihood, you will raise me as single mother. You couldn’t bear it, so you got rid of me. It’s okay mum, all will be well. I have a word for you.
I am sorry mama
I am sorry mama, maybe it was rape, maybe abduction. Did someone betray you? Someone might have dragged you, someone close, a confidant, a workmate, a friend, a brother, or even your father. I am sorry for the experience. I see the trauma, the regrets, and the burden in you – always evaporating like mist, only to come back as cold rains falling in the tropics. It never rains forever mama, and even if it does, may my words be a lasting umbrella to shield your heart from sorrow.
I forgive you
I forgive you for getting rid of me; forgive me for finding myself in your womb. I forgive you for misguided advice; forgive me for opening my heart to you, but I have to because I love you. I forgive you for denying me a chance to live, forgive me for being helpless before you. I forgive you for subjecting me to undue torture, forgive me for causing you the trouble. I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you for everything. Forgive me too, for everything.
For my brothers and sisters to come; give them a chance to live to know you, live with you and bring joy to your heart. I could not wish that you subject any of them to the same experience. It is painful and cruel. There is always hope for tomorrow. Psyche up mother, pick up the broken pieces of your heart. There is a life to live. Seek forgiveness from God. My prayer for you; May the almighty God forgive you, grant you healing for your past, help for this day and hope for the future.
We will meet
I long to me in arms of love someday. My greatest hope is to see you in the resurrection day when Jesus comes on the clouds and the dead shall rise. Make your ways right with God mama and make a choice to live life at its best, because it is brief.
The Chronicles | The Letter of an aborted child